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Dealing with Serious Illness The following letters were written by a young woman with breast cancer. It demonstrates her courage and humor in the face of serious illness. Hi everyone, (This is a long one, but please read it through cause I have a question for you at the end…) I know it’s been ages since I have written, but no news is good news. I am almost finished with my radiation treatment and I have been busy with work, singing, and living, so I haven’t had tons of time to write. Radiation has actually been better than I expected. I haven’t had too much fatigue and I didn’t really burn too badly until this week. The burn is just as uncomfortable as a bad sunburn, although it’s in a stranger place than you might be used to. The good news is that I will be finished with it next Friday, and then the healing can begin. Yay! After that I will continue with herceptin treatments every three weeks through September and then take Tamoxifen for 5 years. I have heard some pretty bad side effects stories about Tamoxifen, but I am hoping that it will be like radiation for me, much easier than expected. The biggest news is…I HAVE HAIR!!!! Yay! And it turns out, I look pretty damn hot with a buzz cut! I had my first haircut last Friday (see pic, please excuse horrible nose…) I do feel the need to wear a lot more makeup than I did when my hair was long, but I think I look pretty good. Everyone is astounded by how fast my hair is growing, but I know it’s the one thing I always did well. I go without wigs or scarves all the time now, and I am loving it! (It’s a good thing my hair has grown in, because I got into a bad habit of taking my wig off and handing it to anyone who complimented me on my hairstyle. The guy in Sephora got really freaked out when I did that.) My nieces tell me my hair feels soft like a kitty cat, and the youngest likes to ‘pet my head’. It’s very cute. So, the final piece of big news. I am planning my “I kicked cancer’s ass!!” celebration, to be called from now on – Hope’s Hard Ten! (Craps players will get the name – those of you who don’t, ask a craps player.) I am planning to have it in Las Vegas. My awesome friend Vanessa is helping me with the plans – we are going to try to score some good room rates at one of the nice casinos, and there will be some sort of party on Saturday, time and activity TBD, depending on how many people can come and what we can negotiate with the hotel. I just need to get a preliminary headcount, so let me know if you think you can make it. I know it’s a long way to travel, but I would love to celebrate my victory with each and every one of you – I wouldn’t have made it without you! * * * * * * * * * * Update - Looks like you are all stuck with me! Surgery itself was a strange experience. I had to have general anesthesia due to my crazy acid reflux cough, and I remember nothing after receiving an IV sedative in the prep room. Probably a good thing since I am told I was singing as they wheeled me down the hall to the operating room. My dad said he couldn't tell exactly what I was singing, but it sounded like a happy song. Oh well, at least I didn't flirt with the doctor like I did under the twilight anesthesia at my endoscopy...(don't laugh, I know some of the things you all have said under sedation...) Needless to say I feel so much lighter now that I might actually be hovering a few inches off the ground. I am a little sore from surgery, but I am so happy to have made it this far with such a good result, that I don't much mind. Thanks again to everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts and energy. It clearly worked, and I am lucky to have you all on my side! I will be in touch again with updates from the radiation front lines. Until then, be well and happy. * * * * * * * * * * Holiday greetings from the front lines in the war against cancer. I am happy to report that our offensive appears to be paying off and the enemy is in full retreat. Ok, enough war metaphors I think. I have many things to report since my last email, so let's get started, shall we? #1 - Chemo is OVER!!!!!! After 20 treatments I feel positively pickled and at times I was sure that my doctors would kill me before the cancer did, but I survived and I am in the midst of my first chemo free week and feeling pretty good about it. My hair has started to grow back, and I am happy about that, even if I do look like I have male pattern baldness. I wore a pink wig and a tiara to my last treatment and for once enjoyed being stared at. (see attached picture - my apologies for the awful exam gown and lack of glass slippers.) In any case, the chemo has done it's duty because ... #2 - I had a pre-surgery ultrasound and they couldn't find the tumor!!! It's GONE!!!! Well, probably not gone, but small enough now that it's hard to find on the ultrasound. They will need to use the clip they implanted during my biopsy to know where to do my lumpectomy. I couldn't ask for a better result from what were some of the worst months of my life. #3 - My surgery is scheduled for next month. I was hoping to have it done before the holidays but there just isn't time. If all goes as planned I should be up and around in a few days and back to the office soon after. (Who would have thought I would look forward to going back to the office...) #4 - I am now a temporary redhead (see attached). I include this part of the update for those of you who knew me in the 80's and remember how badly I wanted to be Molly Ringwald - thanks to Sondra and Gail for coiffing me! (And yes, my beautiful friends Vanessa and Sue are single...) #5 - The latest recital by the WHQODJYS (We Haven't Quit Our Day Jobs Yet Singers) was a rousing success! I sang I Am Woman with a classmate who is a 20 year survivor of breast cancer, and it was a pretty powerful experience if I say so myself. Someday I will upload all my performances to a website and share them with all of you. My 3 1/2 year old niece was in the audience and has been putting on shows with her Fisher Price Karaoke set ever since. I guess some kids inherit things from their aunts after all. So I think that's all for now. I will be back with an update after surgery. Until then, I plan to enjoy the holidays and let 2007 slip quietly away. It hasn't been all bad, but I am ready to let it go. Bring on '08!! I wish you and yours a happy and HEALTHY new year. * * * * * * * * * * Hi all, I can tell by the number of 'checking in' emails I have been receiving that I am way behind in updating you all on my world and the fight against breast cancer, or as I like to call it, HairWatch '07. Sorry for the delay. I have been a bit mired in treatment and tired of side effects, (and just plain tired), but here is the latest. I have finished 13 out of 16 total chemo treatments. Hard to believe that I am almost finished. I am getting some side effects, like neuropathy (where my hands and feet go numb and tingle) and the fatigue is really kicking in, but my head is covered in peach fuzz and I am sprouting lots of new eyelashes, so that's pretty cool. After chemo I will have my surgery to remove whatever is left (which feels like just about nothing at this point) and then 6-7 weeks of radiation. Hopefully by March I will be through with the bulk of the heavy treatment and will just have the leftover meds to prevent recurrence. I know I usually tell a funny story about something weird that happened to me because of treatment or cancer or whatever, but given that it's so near that most American of holidays, I thought maybe I would share some other thoughts. Now don't get me wrong, cancer and cancer treatment can be a pretty thankless experience at times. It hurts, it's scary, you feel like complete ass from chemo, etc. etc. But (and I know this doesn't sound like crazy, cynical me) I have tons of things to be thankful for right now - some directly related to cancer, and some, just fringe benefit style side effects. Here is a partial list. I am thankful that my cancer was caught early. I am thankful that my tumor has all the markers so I can have medications like herceptin and tamoxifen to keep me healthy for a long time to come. I am thankful that I live whre I do and have access to the best cancer docs in the world, and that I have a job and health insurance so that I can afford the treatments that will save my life. I am thankful that I am a candidate for a lumpectomy and that my surgeon cares about leaving me a pretty pair - cause let's face it, they are spectacular. And finally, I am mostly thankful for having the opportunity to truly know who my friends are, and how many of you there are. It's very easy to feel sorry for yourself when you are ill, and I admit to more of my share of self-pity than I should be allowed, but even on my worst days the little voice in my head won't let me forget how many of you are out there, wishing me well, praying for my health and willing to help me in whatever way I need. And that is the most comforting feeling in the world. I hope that you all have just as many things to be thankful for.
Life Lessons I don’t know what point in my life I started hating my mother and hating myself for ever hating my father. I felt so bad for my mother, always struggling to pay bills, and I hated my father for not paying her the child support that I thought she deserved. The thing is I was too young to realize the truth, which my father did pay child support, my mother didn’t work hard, and every bad thing my mother said about my father was true about her. I was brainwashed from the day my parents were divorced. I lived with my mom from age 5 to age 18 when she kicked me out for realizing what a bad person she was. Every day my mother would come home from work, and swear at me for not doing my homework whether I did or not. Stupid of me but I thought if I’m going to get in trouble whether I do or not why do it all? I would be grounded and sent to my room every night while my mother watched TV and drank. She told me what a bad person I was and I was growing up to be just like my father. And still I thought she cared about me and I empathized for her. I was taught that she was just some poor woman that had to raise two kids with no money in a shoebox size apartment, while her ex husband lives in New Jersey with his new wife. I was taught to think my dad was a shallow, stubborn liar with no morals. It’s a really bad situation when a mother would use their own children as leverage to get back at her ex husband. She didn’t realize that she ruined a relationship between a father and both of his children. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about my dad crying over the daughter that he thinks doesn’t love him. I was told living with him would be hell, because my mom hated him. If I could go back I would have moved, and not a day goes by that I don’t think what I could’ve been with his guidance. My mother led me down the wrong path and by the time I learned I was going the wrong way it was too late to turn around. I was manipulated and I will never be able to forgive my mother for years of torture, torture I wouldn’t feel until the day I realize she ruined my childhood. She would put me in situations time and time again that I would feel bad for her. Saying she can’t afford to buy me a pair of shoes because my father wasn’t paying the child support. So she would tell me to ask my dad. I heard that a lot in my childhood. “Ask dad”. I wish I never felt bad for her being poor. It’s not only the fact that my dad did pay for it and she could afford it, rather the fact that she thought the money she got for child support was deserved. It wasn’t. Not a dime was spent on me and most of my clothes and shoes from age 5 were bought from my dad. Furthermore my mother knew my sister hated my dad more than I did and she used that to her advantage. Mom would buy things for my sister and not me, and her excuse was that my dad loved me more so I should take advantage of that. So my sister stopped asking my dad for things and I was forced to, leading me to believe the reason for this was that my dad didn’t want to buy things for my sister. Which slowly evolved into my dad doesn’t love my sister. Besides the money, the thing that kills me is that he was there for maybe three days when I saw him and he would buy me a pair of shoes that he would never see me wear. He missed seeing his son grow up. He’s a good man and he should never have had to say to me wow you’ve grown. Because I wish he was there everyday to see it. I’ve cried too many times feeling bad for my dad and what I did to him, but he never knew how sorry I was because I never told him. Because I didn’t want him to know that I ever thought anything bad about him. Ill never talk to my mother again because of what she did to me, but we can’t change the past so I have to look towards today. I’m not going to live like my mother, because I’ve realized that my past won’t change and if I dwell on it. I can blame her all day but it won’t pay my bills. But the most important thing I’ve learned from my childhood, and perhaps more people should appreciate is when you want to do something; you need to do it for yourself and nobody else.
My life feels overwhelming. I feel sorry for younger kids. School is stressful and always will be. There're the pressures of succeeding and getting good grades to get to the good college to get the high-paying job. But it doesn't end at grades. You need to be broad-minded and open-minded for a college to love you. To accomplish that, you do extra-curricular activities such as play an instrument or volunteer at the hospital or nursing home. To think "beyond the end of your nose," you do charity events, travel, go to museums, and build houses for the less fortunate. Also, knowing world events and events with your government and country is essential in broadening your mind. There is pressure to be an intellectual genius as well as a caring student that colleges want at their schools. I think at this time in our lives we are also supposed to be discovering who we really ARE. Somebody, tell me when, please. When can I not be preparing for later? --Nicholas
“Inch by inch; I think this is from a line in a song. My mother used to always sing it when she did chores. I like it because it makes me remember how determined she was about always making life better. She knew nothing happened all at once. It takes effort. And important things happen a little at a time. And things don’t always show while they’re growing. My mother was a wise woman. We didn’t have a yard or a garden, but we have a pretty terrific family. And now I think I know what she meant. I miss my mother a lot. I wish she was around to read this. --Anna
I’ve read some of these writings and these are some things I think:
Appreciate my Life Vs. 1 Vs. 2 Vs 3.
Why So why should this be written, and, more importantly, why should it be read by adults and parents? Because it is happening. Life and everything that comes with it is happening, and no one, especially in this day and age, can shield or hide it from the kids. But parents can accept it. And they can understand it. They can do something constructive about it with their kids.
My mom and I have not had the best of relationships. I have been mad at her a lot. And I guess, her too. But right now I’m really feeling strange.
Pressures Each moment I must get a task done whether it be chores, homework, or sports. If the deadlines can't be met, then I have to face the consequences; get grounded, do extra laps, or get a bad grade. It takes a great deal of time and effort to do these activities. During these times, I could only hope for a holiday to come by. With the amount of effort and time I use to do these tasks, I barely have time to just chill. I usually drop some plans of my buddies, in order to finish the many projects I get from school. I wish I could go with some of my friends to that basketball game, or go to McDonalds for some fries. But I have to use my time wisely to finish my duties. Each day, each hour, and each second; my life seem to be filled with expectations to be the best student, the best athlete, the good son, or the good friend. In the areas of academics and extra curricular activities, I wish I could tell you all the deadlines that I have to meet with each day. I know I live in America now, but should a kid really have this much pressure? --Anonymous
Family Pressure... and more I have family pressure which can be just as tough to deal with as peer pressure. When I go home, I have to live up to my parents' expectations, and I don't complain because I believe that their expectations are the least I can do for all the things they do for me. However, sometimes living up to expectations isn't always easy and it can cause stressful times. My expectations range from grades to different things, which not only include my own family but my religion, culture and everything else that represents me. Sometimes if I do get something like a 96%, my family will say, "Where is the other 4%?"' Besides what you have to deal with outside of school, there is the whole life you have inside of it too, which includes grades, friends, peers, popularity and much more that happens inside of high school. Life isn't as simple as we make it out to seem for the average teen in America. I wish you all knew ... it's hard to be a teen in the world today.
My Journey from Ethiopia to Israel to United States and back to Ethiopia I was born in Ethiopia but did not live there long enough to have many memories of life there. I was a small child when my mother made the decision to leave Ethiopia in order to make the long journey through the Sudan. Even though I was a small child when we started the journey, it took so long that I do remember a lot from this lengthy and life-threatening experience. My family was one of few that were lucky enough to make it to the border of Sudan. Unfortunately, in Sudan things were not much better since we had to wait in a refugee camp for seven months before the Israeli government brought us to Israel. Once in Israel we had to go through years of adjustments before we established a sense of home and belonging. Growing up in Israel, I always dreamt of returning to Ethiopia as a physician and somehow make a difference there. Even though there were many times I felt my dreams were impossible to accomplish, when I graduated from high school I decided to do my army service in a hospital to get more exposure to the medical field. By the time I finished my service I was determined to pursue my dream of becoming a physician. After I finished my service, I made the decision of moving to the United States because I knew that there I would have more opportunities in the medical field. The decision of moving to the United States was extremely hard to make, because I had to leave my family and friends and move to an unfamiliar place and culture-- and in addition learn a new language. However, knowing what I left behind made me more motivated and determined to succeed and achieve the goals I have set for myself. Once in the United States I started in a community college and three years later I was lucky enough to then go to U.C Berkeley. My story to be continued… Tigest M., Ethiopia, Israel, US.
"I have learnt that no matter how old you are, the impossible is achievable...I firmly believe that the life of one person, if helped, can change the course of the world, as you never know who that one little girl or boy could be."
My parents' divorce affected me greatly. It was a dramatic change in life. My father fled my family, we went broke, and I had no direction. I was very close to my father and his leaving made a huge hole in my life. During my freshman and sophomore years, I lived a very lavish lifestyle, but then my life flipped upside down. I still woke up every day, went to school, and saw the same faces, but nothing was really the same--except for the teachers who continually influenced me to keep on going and stay on track. School was not easy for me, but I am sharing these personal feelings with you because I decided to let everyone know what a wonderful place a high school can be. I've graduated now, and moved to another state and am living with a family there. I attend Community College now. Recently I was able too see my father and reflected a lot on my life. After giving the last several years a lot of thought, I just want to say THANK YOU to some of my family and everybody at my first high school for being there for me when I really needed you -- especially my wonderful teachers who had so much confidence in me. It really made a difference. I'm OK. Thanks. Jason, age 19, California
Careers In order to understand my future, you would have to take a look at my father's past. Living in a small island near Hong Kong, my father and his family were extremely poor. With eight other siblings, my father's parents had come to accept that their children were not going to have a luxurious, or even average, future. As impossible as it seemed, my father beat the odds; he worked hard in school and eventually immigrated to the United States for college. However, dreams come true, not free; my father had to work every hour of his free time in order to pay off his tuition. He didn't go out to parties, he didn't go out to games, he didn't even go out to eat--every night he had homemade chicken and lettuce. Many people considered it a miracle that he had time to meet my mother. Today, he's not only a doctor, but a professor as well as a deacon in my church, a Sunday school teacher, a sought-after speaker, a founder of a Christian magazine, a medical researcher, and a great father. Although extremely proud of him, I have always felt that his success had, in a way, predetermined my future. I mean, how could I compete with such a successful doctor? Not wanting to live in my father's shadow, I decided that my future career would be anything but medical. Growing up in such a fortunate lifestyle helped shape my perception of career possibilities. Because I was so used to luxury, I thought that a well-paid job was necessary. Not only that, but my Chinese culture also played a part in my need for success--my parents wanted successful children who they could brag about: a doctor, a lawyer, or a businessman. Since I had long banished the idea of becoming a doctor, and I had never found business appealing, I decided that being a lawyer was the best route. However, as I entered my high school years, I found myself being drawn toward science and its ability to explain humans and the way we think, eat, move, and function. My newfound passion for science led me to seriously re-evaluate my reasons for not wanting to go into medicine. I knew it was ridiculous to ignore my passion just because I feared failure, but I also knew that it would be difficult to even come close to my father's success. Then, this past summer I went to Costa Rica to volunteer my services in a poverty-stricken village. Although I went there to teach students about English, my students actually taught me about something more profound: my future. Seeing their living conditions made me realize what I wanted to do in the future. I also came to realize what made my dad successful . It wasn't the many titles he held that distinguished him, but the lives that he touched. I have come to realize the importance of coloring my future, not with gold, but with a deeper hue of real values. Instead of wanting to become a famous and wealthy doctor, my dream is to go to third-world countries and work in the health care system caring for the ill and needy. The reward I now seek is not one of selfish pleasure, but instead the pleasure of knowing that kids and families will have better lives, thanks to the knowledge I have gained from my education. I do not want to become the next American Idol, be featured in MTV Cribs, or have my own apprentice. My future is no longer about a vapid image of glory or surpassing anyone else's standards of success. Instead, it's about helping people live hygienic lives and realize that they can be anything they want to be. Samantha W.T., age 18
Dedication I decided to dedicate my Bat Mitzvah to my Grandpa. Unfortunately he passed away two years ago. My Grandpa was a very special person. “What’s not to like?” he would always say. That’s the way I describe him. I am very happy that he lived to be so old and that I got to meet him. I miss his company at dinner and his frequent phone calls. I miss him tapping his cane, and when he would squeeze my cheeks. But I know he wouldn’t want me or my family to be sad and cry, he always wanted everyone to be happy. I have always looked forward to him seeing me become a Bat Mitzvah, but he got sick and passed away. I know that there is always a reason for everything and that God did the right thing to let him die. If he wouldn’t have died his health might have caused him pain and unhappiness. Now he is in heaven in peace and watching over my family and me with joy and pride. Lisa, age 13, St. Louis, Mo.
Dear Parents: A Story for Parents to Read We ask the impossible. I am 17 years old and I realize this. You're in a hard place, but so are we. We want parents and adults to be available at all times to listen to us about whatever we feel like talking about. We also want you to leave us alone if we come home exhausted and not in the mood to talk and just wanting to be alone. We want you to give us advice if you have it, but really we want to just be acknowledged, listened to, and comforted, that a solution will come and that we will be capable of carrying it out. Laura T., age 17, USA
This is not exactly a story to tell. But you ask for kids to give some advice to parents and other adults. I’m just one kid from New York who has some advice for parents:
Benjamin S. Carson, M.D. is someone I really admire. I was astonished by his accomplishments when I read his autobiography. His parents were divorced when he was thirteen years old, and his mother only attended school until third grade. When he was in fifth grade, Carson’s grades started declining. However, when his mother learned about his grades, he was not allowed to watch television or even go outside until he finished his homework. He was also assigned by his mother to read two books a week and write a book report at the end of the week. As a result, he was at top of his class within a year and graduated with honors from high school. Dr. Carson made medical history in 1987, when he separated a pair of Siamese twins conjoined at the brain. Benjamin S. Carson, M.D. has a wealth of experience, and he is a good person considering his own development of human potential.
Soccer, The Keleche Tournament in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan The score was one to nothing with five minutes to go. Our team was winning. Although we were all sweating, the cheers and intense smiles of our fans and my coach, made every one of us to play at our best to keep the score the same. I was so excited to be playing in the regional soccer championship game. Yama
© What I Wish You Knew, LLC, 2006. All rights reserved.
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